Talking to Little Ones About Big Feelings

Helping children name, express, and understand emotions when a parent is away

Young children feel their emotions in a big way, but they often don’t have the words to explain what’s going on inside. When a parent is away, whether for work, travel, treatment, deployment, or something unexpected, kids may feel confused, sad, mad, or worried. All of these feelings are normal, even if they don’t show up as words.

Often, their feelings show up in behavior instead. A toddler might cry more, cling more, or get frustrated easily. A preschooler might ask the same question over and over again. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them, it just means they are trying to make sense of something big.

The best way to help your child is to use simple, honest language. They don’t need every detail. They need to know they are safe and cared for. You might say:

• “Mama had to be away for a while.”

• “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

• “It’s okay to feel sad. I’m right here.”

• “You can ask me questions anytime.”

Children often repeat the same questions. This is how their brain learns. Answering gently, even when you’re tired, helps them feel secure.

When your child is overwhelmed, connection helps more than anything else. Sit close. Offer a hug. Speak quietly. Put your hand on their back. Young children “borrow calm” from the adults around them, and your calmness helps settle their nervous system.

You can also support your child by giving them simple feeling words:“Sad.” “Mad.” “Scared.” “Missing.” “Want Mama.”Naming even one feeling can help them understand what’s happening inside.

You don’t need perfect words. You just need to be present. Your steady, loving support teaches them that feelings are safe and temporary, and that they don’t have to handle them alone.

If something in this article brings up questions or you’d like more guidance, please reach out. You can also submit your questions anonymously anytime. You don’t have to figure this out alone.